In Honor of "What The F#ck Should I Make for Dinner?"

(WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO BAD LANGUAGE.)

I'm a big fan of the innovative and interactive foodie website, "What The Fuck Should I Make for Dinner".  It gives you many different dinner options and links to the recipes, based on whether or not you're a vegetarian. It will keep searching for appropriate links until you find something interesting to cook. Totally cool and useful!

However, the coolest thing about it is the liberal use of curse words to describe a meal and/or its cooking process.  You might think that reading recipes or descriptions of food with many off-color words sprinkled throughout would get old or offensive, but it just punches up the energy of every entry.  I find myself laughing out loud a lot as I peruse the site's Facebook page.

Many moons ago, I used to swear like a sailor who hasn't gotten laid in months.  I cleaned up my act, because, frankly, it's not the same cursing in Spanish (even with an exaggerate "r" in "reputissima madre" for example) or using more benign, polite phrases, like "darn it all" or "crap".  Ideally, the colorful and meaty English counterparts give emotional gravitas to that thing or action to which you refer, which means that writing a piece or delivering a line peppered with offensive language is challenging.  It has to be coherent, keep the piece moving, and be entertaining at the same time. This is easy if you're Annie Wilkes in Misery:



But what about the normal locos, like me?  "Cockadoodee" just wouldn't capture the violent eruption of emotion I would feel, say, when I realize 30 minute into cooking that I forgot to change farenheit to celsius, or that I added 1 cup of salt instead of 1 cup of sugar. These events beg for a long string of swear words like, shitfuckdamncocksucker, don't they? 

Now, you may wonder, "Why a cooking reference tool with curse words?"  I say, "Why the fuck not?" The world is filled with pointless, uncomical things, like Carrot Top or the Teletubbies.  Why not create something that is funny, totally original, useful, and trashier than Rachel Ray or Jamie Oliver?

Here's my attempt at a WTFSIMFD post based on a Maple Blueberry Parfait I made for my friend's housewarming party last night.  Enjoy! 

Throw 3 fucking cups of fucking blueberries into a pot with about 1/2 cup of B-ass grade maple syrup.  Cook that shit  up over a medium flame until the bitches start popping--about 3-8 fucking minutes.  Now, take it off the damn fire and throw that shit into the fridge to cool the fuck down and thicken a little bit while you're making the fucking whipped cream. You're not going to rely on that skanky-ass store bought shit because you're not a pussy.  You're fucking making it homemade.

Take about 2 cups of fucking cream. Whip that bitch up with about 1 or 2 tablefuckingspoons of maple syrup (to taste, really. Depends on whether or not you have a fucking sweet tooth) until it starts forming stiff peaks.  Get your fucking serving cups.  Start layering those bitches with the maple-blueberry shit first, then throw some crumbled vanilla cookies or any kind of sweet cakey shit you have lying around, then the fucking whipped cream.  Keep fucking layering the glasses until their goddamn full.  Don't be an asshole and skimp on that shit. This is a fucking dessert, after all.  Throw some fucking fresh berries on top to make things pretty.  Serve the bitches immediately, and fucking enjoy!

Giving Thanks

I really miss the holidays at home.  In my northeast US holiday fantasy, it's cold, I'm wearing a great outfit that keeps me warm, there's a dog running around in the yard, a tree that has been recently decorated, and a meal about to be put on the table by a super talented cook.  

When I moved here, I decided to begin my own Thanksgiving tradition by hosting a potluck at home.  This year?  Nah.  Too freaking lazy.  We're going to an Italian restaurant that we've recently discovered in Barrio Norte, and I'm having octopus carpaccio and a plate of roasted Patagonian lamb.  Why stress by having to entertain and feed people when I can be entertained and fed? 

Still, it's always nice to stop and count one's blessings, which, in my case, have been many.  Here are my top 10 reasons why I'm grateful this year, in no particular order:

1) Discovering that I feel sooo much better without eating wheat products.
2) Marcelo.  Great guy, very supportive, just what I needed to become the person I am today.  Sometimes, he drives me crazy, but I've learned about committment and love with him.  Can't beat that.
3) My Dad. This is going to read kind of twisted, but if it hadn't been for my parents' divorce, I would have never gotten to know the great person that is my Dad.  I just love him so much. 
4) My analyst.  Because I'm crazy, and she's been there for me for the past 9 freaking years.  I couldn't have done half the crazy things I've done if I hadn't known she was going to be there to still think I was still loveable.
5) Organic butter.  I've missed you, and I'm so glad I've found you again! So nice to eat it and not feel guilty anymore. 
6) Not having to worry about money anymore. 
7) Learning that, even though I don't have to worry about money anymore, I don't have to give into the impulse to spend it.  BIG ONE.
8) Being a property owner.  Having my name on something as big as an apartment is pretty darn cool. 
9) Being a few months away from getting my permanent DNI!!!!!  At freaking last!
10) Learning how to let things go that don't  work for me anymore. 

With that, I wish you and yours a very Happy Thanksgiving! 

When I Grow Up...

I want to look like this woman, blogger Judth Boyd of Style Crone, and her fabulous coat-o'-many-colors. I found her featured in one of my favorite style blogs, Advanced Style, by Ari Seth Cohen. Clearly, this is a case of wisdom meeting confidence and birthing fierce style.  Isn't she just so freaking sassy? Kills.  

If I continue dressing the way I have been, I don't think I'll be too far off the mark!  Love it!

Discovering My Style with Boutiques.com?

I checked out Boutiques.com after I read about it on the Six Items or Less Collective, and I blogged about my experience on The Great American Apparel Diet today. Check it:

Have I Entered A Danger Zone with Boutiques.com?

Overall, I think it's an excellent website, and I learned a thing or two about how my style has evolved. In my teens and 20's, I was pretty much into anything colorful. In my 30's, anything affordable, really, especially vintage. Now, in my 40's, whcn I can afford to shop, I'm thinking more higher end pieces that'll last, and vintage sillhouettes that will stand the test of time and style. The cool thing about this site is that you can choose the styles that you are most fond of, and they cull items from across the web universe for you to check out and buy.

Of course, I didn't buy. I'm sticking to my committment to not purchase anything for a year, but that doesn't mean I can't look, right? right? And a little shopping planning can only do me good when I'm finally allowed to make purchases. I'll know exactly what I'm looking for, so I don't go off on a tangent and buy something ruffled and pastel-colored when I'm having a bad hair day and PMS-ing. So, for right now, I'm into wrap-dresses (faux or real), easy shift dresses, and architectural pieces that fit my "casual chic, edgy" style blend. I discovered that I'm not into Ralph Lauren, Bebe, or French Connection--styles that I dug in my 30's.  I've also discovered that I've fallen in love with Alexander McQueen, Michael Kors, Alexander Wang, and Matthew Williamson. Clean, funky, structural.  Good to know! The fact that the Boutiques.com could define the styles that work for me is a relief since I tend to have fashion ADD. The questionnaire they ask you to complete for your profile forces you to think about the colors and sillhouettes that you like and that work for you (I think Boutiques is most helpful when you already know what works with your body type), so everything they pull fits into that profile.

This was an excellent find, and I'll probably be adjusting and refining my style throughout this clothing regime challenge. When I'm ready, I'll be more focused when I shop to update my wardrobe!

I Was Quoted!

When I read the quote posted on the Six Items or Less Collective website, I thought, "God, this is good advice. Sounds familiar." Duh!  It's part of what I wrote in my first blog entry for The Great American Apparel Diet.  It's nice to discover that I can be kinda brilliant and insightful!

Snaps for me!

First Blog Post on The Great American Apparel Diet Website

Well, I am officially on the roster of participants for The Great American Apparel Diet. I'm really excited about joining, and am looking forward to seeing where all this leads. Here's the link to my first post on the GAAD website:

Hola from Buenos Aires, Argentina (by way of D.C. and L.A.)

I am enjoying reading the posts from other readers on the diet because I don't feel so alone. There are other people in the world who buy way the hell too many clothes! It takes the guilt away. I've found that guilt makes me feel worse about myself, which makes me want to shop as a way to lick my wounded ego.

Another thing that came up for me is the whole "diet" idea. Again, another way to feel guilty. Seriously, who loves dieting? Who thinks it's fun? How sustainable is it throughout one's life? I prefer to call this a cleansing exercise or regimen, or maybe even a gratitude exercise. Gratitude for the abundance you already have.

The Few, The Proud, The Recovering

Turns out there is more than just the Six Items or Less movement and The Great American Apparel Diet (GAAD). There's the Thirty for Thirty challenge, and Week without Stuff .  Frugality is now chic, but I think that there's something in the air that is making many people--in the States mostly, it seems--re-evaluate their relationship to their stuff, whether it be clothing, in my case, or just over-abundance in their homes, in general.  This heightened awareness currently prompting people to try these material diets on for size can be exciting and fun, even for people who don't have to be on a limited budget.  I believe it gives people who were once, or have a tendency to be, spenders and over-consumers the opportunity to exercise their creativity and to be grateful for all that they already have. Of course, I say this now, as I'm in the throes of a consciousness love-fest.  Talk to me when I happen to be in the States just in time for a Nordstrom sale.

I've taken this just a little bit futher.  In addition to applying to be a part of the GAAD yesterday, I also signed up for the on-line Spenders-Debtors Anonymous, and am looking forward to attending face-to-face meetings when I'm back in the States.  I like the whole Anonymous movement, and the idea of surrendering and seeking strength through a Higher Power--however He/She/It may look--jives with my Roman Catholic upbringing, even though the Church as an institution has long lost its appeal.  Also, my experience as a tag-along with an Alcoholics Anonymous member and my own experience in Sexual Abuse Survivors in Recovery Anonymous were nothing but positive and motivating. So, I figured that if I were really serious walking my psychotherapeutic-clean living talk, I should really get all areas of my life together, even the parts that I am most reluctant to acknowledge to myself. 

I have been a debtor, meaning I possess the ability for amassing enormous amounts of debt within a short amount of time  I am also, mostly defnitely, a champion spender, a gold-medal consumer.  Although, my spending won't be setting any records, the fact that my habits are not giving me the rush that it once did suggests strongly that I've crossed the line somewhere between my last Calvin Klein dress and my fabulous 30-dollar, vintage 70's leather trench coat aquisition from the Goodwill. And, yes, just because thriftstores are my regular stomping ground doesn't mean that I'm any less of a consumer. Thrifting can add up very quickly, especially when you can spot an incredible, vintage 80's Valentino blazer for ten bucks from across the parking lot at the Melrose Trading Post in Los Angeles (Yes, my radar is THAT good.)

So, how the hell did I get this way? 

After hundreds of dollars and hours spent (wisely--really, probably THE wisest purchase and best investment I have ever made) in therapy with my amazing psychoanalyst in the States over the last 10 years, nights of journaling and dreaming, and journaling my dreaming, I've figured out a thing or two: 1) Instead of saying apologizing for any hurts, just buy something, and 2) To avoid any kind of confrontation or war, go shopping.  In a nutshell, this has been my dynamic with my mother.  Since my mother and I have been on the outs in the last year, and since my family of origin has been reconfigured, guess what?!  I went shopping!  They don't call it Retail Therapy for nothing!

The good news is that after getting myself out of a credit bind several years go, I requested a relatively manageable credit level, just enough to buy an economy class plane ticket back to the States in case of a family emergency.  The bad news is that every purchase pushed me further into the Black Hole of Shame and Self-Loathing (not to mention limiting greatly my ability to see exactly what was in my bloated wardrobe). Been there (one too many times), done that, and am ready to move on to being grateful for everything I have.

Narrowing Down the 6

I spent this Sunday morning trying to figure out how to look cute for a month, using 6 pieces of clothing.  I am stumped. 

Previous participants and many people who have signed up for the next round have settled for a color uniform of black and white, or neutral colors.  I am not a neutral person.  Orange makes me happy.  Turquoise is one of my favorite colors.  Emerald green is gorgeous.  Strong colors look best on me, and I'd rather die than wear beige.  Black is always beautiful, but I don't want to feel like I'm going to a funeral for a month. How do I choose??? 

Assuming that this challenge will begin in December, how can I manage to create a 6-piece wardrobe that is festive, travel friendly, and good for multi-weather situations?  We're just entering summertime here in South America, so I want something comfortable and light that I can also layer to keep me from freezing in air-conditioned restaurants and movie theaters in Buenos Aires.   However, layering these pieces really won't give me enough protection against the elements, should our Christmas holiday road trip take us to Calafate to see the famous Perrito Moreno, the Argentine glacier, for example, where temperatures vary currently between 2 and 20 degrees celsius. I will freeze my balls off.  Two layered sundresses and a pair of jeans isn't going to cut it there, even with a thick jacket, and adding a thick sweater to my pile of everyday-wear will prevent me from including something I really need and want to have for the whole month, like a colorful t-shirt.  A puzzlement indeed. 

The good thing is that I can accessorize to my hearts content.  I have my trusty multi-colored orange scarf I always manage to bring with me on trips to use as a cover-up, shawl, or scarf, and I've already set aside a bunch of colorful baubles and funky belts to jazz things up.  Looking at this selection made me think that I could probably recycle or regift many of the accessories I've accumulated.  But...I'll think about tomorrow.

 

Becoming a Sixer

I have way too many clothes.  Like, can-barely-close-my-closet-doors too many clothes.  I love fashion.  I love style.  I love looking at fashionable people. I love the craftsmanship that I see in a beautifully-made garment, and if I can get it at a discount (or can grab a really decent likeness of it at an H&M, Forever21, or thriftstore), you can bet that puppy is going in my closet. 

Clearly, my love for all things sartorial is boundless, but my closets are woefully finite. What is a girl to do?  Same thing I do when my jeans are getting a wee bit snug.  Restrict myself for a time.  Not punishment, mind you.  Just an exercise in self-control, keeping in mind that at the end of the sentenc...er...challenge, I'll look and feel better in my clothes.

So, I've been checking out the Six Items or Less and the Great American Apparel Diet for the past couple of days.  I really should take the leap and do the apparel diet that forbids indulging retail therapy for 1. Whole. Freaking. Year. But, you know, Christmas is coming up, and I'm going to the States in February, and...well, I am, fo sho, going to fall off the wagon because I have ZERO self-control. 

Living in Argentina should be fantastic for my pocket book because the clothes aren't well-made, aren't my style, and tend get ruined after a few rounds in the washing machine, even in the cold, gentle cycle sans dryer.  But going back home, well, it's like holding a big chili burger from Tommy's under the nose of a vegan. No matter what my good intentions are, I'm going to fall off the wagon and have chili dribbling down my chin in 2 seconds. I've become an even bigger consumer since I started living here, and all the .com shops have become my closest internet companions.  Not. Good. 

Six Items or Less, a challenge started by two friends in the States earlier this year, seems to me a way to take stock of my consumerism and fashion addiction on a limited scale.  Check out this video the NYTimes on Six Items or Less:

http://video.nytimes.com/video/2010/07/22/style/1247468489339/six-items-or-fewer.html

I can do 1 month with a mere 6 articles of clothing. I can do anything for a month!  I'm no wimp!  I am woman!  I'm stylish!  I can accessorize! 

One of the requirements for signing up to be a Sixer is to blog about my experience on their website, so stay tuned for my briefs (which, thank goodness, are not limited!)